Catatonia
by Project324B21
Summary: When Buffy falls into a catatonic state once again, Spike may be the only one able to help her. Set right after As You Were. Season six spoilers.


**_Hey guys! I wrote another Spuffy one shot. I hope you like it!_**

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Spike sat on the floor of his destroyed crypt. It had been three days since the tin soldier had waltzed in and blew up the thing. Buffy, in her anger, had not seen the smug look on the boys face. Spike knew that it was his way of saying 'I'm gone, but you still can't fully have her, can you?' Riley knows what the Slayer is like when she loves someone. So, it was obvious to see that Buffy was using him. Spike wanted to hit the boy. Yeah, Buffy was using him, but at least she was feeling something in that time. Riley didn't know what the Slayers life has like anymore. This woman, once so warm and bright, had turned into a cold, dark shell. Spike loved her then, and loves her now. So he let her use him. It was his sacrifice.

 _"I'm sorry William."_

That one line played on repeat through his head. Nothing he had done these past few days had helped him get her voice out of his head. He had even drank himself into oblivion, but she was still there. She occupied his dreams every night. She was everywhere. _She's all over you. You're covered in sunshine._ Spike started laughing. Dru had been right all along. She was consuming him and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Spike was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of foot steps above him. Spike closed his eyes and felt. It wasn't the Slayer, his vamp senses would be on high alert if it was. He did feel something though. It was kinda tingly and dizzying. _Magic_. He realized. So one of the witches was paying him a visit. He grumbled and made his way up the barely intact ladder. He poked his head out and saw the red haired witch looking around.

"Willow!" He exclaimed. Willow jumped at the sudden noise and turned to face him. "To what do I owe this honor?" He climbed completely off the ladder to stand before her.

"It's Buffy." Now that Spike was closer to her, he could see how worn she was.

"Always is, isn't it?" Spike sighs, running his hands over his face. No matter what the crazy bint did, Spike would be waiting for her. "What monster does she need help with?"

"No monster." Willow shakes her head. "Buffy has fallen into a catatonic state."

"Completely?"

"Afraid so." Willow shrugged. "I don't know what did it. I found her like that this morning. She seemed okay yesterday." Spike sent her a pointed look, making Willow sigh. "Well, not okay. Just as well as she has been doing lately."

"So, just magic your way into the bints head and call it a night." Spike hops on top of the sarcophagus. "You did it before." Spike points.

"I tried!" Willow throws her hands up. "I can't get in! It's like she has me blocked or something."

"Did you ask your girlfriend?"

"Same results." Willow frowns. "We also tried Xander, Dawn, and Anya. I don't understand how this has happened."

"Have you called the Watcher?" Spike inquires.

"He can't leave London. We've both been researching how to get in." Willow runs her hand through her hair. "We can't find one thing about this ever happening before."

"Leave it to her to make things even more difficult." Spike mutters. "So, this just a courtesy call then?"

"Not really." Willow walks over to Spike and sits next to him. "I need you to try to get in her head."

Spike snorts. "And what makes you think I can get in if you cant?"

"Honestly? This is kind of a last ditch effort." Willow mumbles. Spike watches as she fidgets with the bottom of her shirt with trembling hands. His nostrils flare and he looks up in time to see a small drop of blood making its way out of Willow's nose.

"Aren't you supposed to be off the magics?" Willow watches as he grabs a t shirt off of his recliner. Willow gives him a small smile as he hands it to her.

"Tara was trying to do it all herself but she couldn't get in." Willow blots at her nose. "We had a talk and decided to try and join our powers." One hand holds the t shirt to her nose and the other comes up to wipe the sweat from her forehead.

"You alright, red?" Spike inquires as he watches her tremble. _She'd be better off if she completely came off the stuff._

"Withdrawals." Willow shrugs. "I really don't miss the headaches and nosebleeds." She removes the t shirt and puts her fingers up to her nose. Spike watches as she pulls her fingers back to examine them.

"Looks like it's stopped for now." Stepping back up to Willow, he puts his hand on her shoulder. "Let's go get Buffy back." He walks out of his crypt and into the night. _Please let us be able to get her back._

He and Willow walk side by side, both lost in their thoughts about Buffy. Nothing has been right since she came back. Instead of getting better, it seems like everyday she sinks a little farther into that darkness. Spike misses her bubbly, sassy personality. The girl who was his personal piece of sunshine. She makes him feel warm and he wants to do the same to her.

"Spike?" Willow suddenly stops.

"Red?" Spike tilts his head as he sees the serious look in her eyes. Willow breathes a long sigh.

"I wanted to let you know that if you can make her happy, you should." Spike furrows his brows. Willow gives him a crooked smile. "I figured out a while back what was going on between you two."

"And you're okay with it?" Spike wonders out loud.

"We all are." Willow admits. "We all had a talk before I came to get you." Her hand lands on Spike's arm. "You love her. You changed for her. We see it now."

Spike looks down at the ground as tears pool in his eyes unexpectedly. _Have I gone into another dimension?_ The emotions he feels are too much for him to explain. He'd never tell them, but he has wanted them to accept him since he first started helping them. Back then he had no place in this world. He couldn't blend with vampires or humans. He was an outcast in every group out there.

"I promise you, I will do everything I can to make her happy." Spike chokes out looking the witch in the eyes. In response she sends him a smile and a small nod. In a silent agreement, they start walking again.

When they stop in front of the Magic Box, Spike takes a deep breath, despite the fact that he doesn't need to. He can feel Willow gazing at him as he tries to prepare himself to see her like this again. The last time was rough. He had to pick her up off the ground and carry her all the way to her house. The whole time was spent talking to her and trying to get her to see him. It broke his heart to look in her eyes and see nothing. It was like she wasn't in her body. Like she was a corpse. Finally Spike looks over at Willow and nods. Silently, they walk into the Magic Box.

"Hey guys. I'm back." Willow calls out. Three heads pop up, their attention away from their books for a moment. "Any luck with the books?" Willow walks over to the books.

"Yes, if it's bad luck you're talking about." Xander quips. He closes the book in front of him and stretches. "Are we going to try to get mag-icky with Spike?"

"Yep." Willow nods. "We do need to sit down and explain all of this though." Willow pulls a chair out and sits. Spike is about to sit in the chair next to her, when he hears the door to the training room open. Dawn walks in the room red faced and eyes blood shot. Her focus immediately lands on Spike.

"Spike." She whimpers and runs to him. The rest of the group watches as Dawn throws herself into Spikes arms. Spike wraps his arms around her as she starts sobbing. He strokes her long hair as she cries into his shoulder. "She's gone. She's not in there." Dawn chokes out.

"Shhhh, Niblet." He presses a kiss to the side of her head. "We'll get your big sis back." Dawn stays clinging to him for a while. Spike doesn't mind. He'd do anything for his Niblet. Spike looks up to see the group smiling softly as he calms Dawn.

Finally Dawn pulls back and look at him. "You can get her. I know it." Dawn announces. She gives him a peck on the cheek and pulls him to the table with the others. They sit down and everyone takes a breath to get ready for the intense night. "Alright, lets explain how we're getting her back." Dawn orders.

"Spike, if you manage to get past this barrier she has, you need to know that what comes next may be very intense." Willow explains. "You might be thrown around to different parts of her mind. To bring her out, you have to figure out the meaning in everything you see. It's like a puzzle."

"Getting you in will feel pretty weird too." Tara pipes in. "You might feel a little dizzy and confused at first. It's just a side effect of taking your essence out of you and into her."

"If you're putting my essence into her, how do I get back to myself?" Spike drums his fingers on the table as he tries to fight down some anxiety.

"That's what we're here for." Anya tells him. "When Willow did this she could get herself out because she's a witch. You are a neutered vampire so you could not leave. We will be sitting in a circle with you in the middle. In front of Tara, who will be doing the majority of the magic, will be a candle. If the candle's flame changes color, then we will know that you need out. This will work with or without Buffy coming back." Anya frowns. "But you should get her to come back so you can have many orgasms."

Xander groans. "No Spike and Buffy orgasm talk. I'm okay with them being together but I do not need to hear about the bedroom activities."

"It doesn't have to be in the bedroom. You can copulate in many different places. Once Xander and I did it on top of a-"

"Anya!" Xander cuts her off. Anya frowns again and grumbles something about humans and their stupid rules.

"Is there anything else I need to know?" Spike asks.

"We can't be sure that this will work." Tara frowns. "But we will try everything we can." Spike smiles back when she sends him a shy one. Spikes always like her. She is the only one in the group, other than Dawn, that treated him like a person. "If you're ready we can get started."

"I'm as ready as I'm gonna get." Spike sighs. The group walks into the training room together. As soon as he's through the door his vision locks onto Buffy. Well, more like her body. Once again he finds himself staring into vacant eyes. He shivers and looks away. On the floor there's a circle of sand and a pentacle with candles on each point. Four of the points have white candles and one, where Tara sits, is a black one. Spike steps in the middle of the circle and sits Indian style. Tara, Willow, Anya, Xander, and Dawn sit in front of the points holding lighters.

"We will start now." Tara informs him. "Spike, you need to relax your body and keep your eyes closed. As soon as you are in there you can open them. If we can get you in there you will be able to feel it." Tara informs him. Spike nods and lets the tension out of his body, closing his eyes. "We're ready." Going in a circle, starting with Tara, they all light their candles. They join hands and close their eyes as Tara starts.

 _"I invoke thee, O Asariel_

 _Archangel of Neptune_

 _And ruler of clairvoyant powers._

 _I ask thee now to open his third eye_

 _And show him the hidden light_

 _Let him see the future._

 _Let him see the past._

 _Let him perceive the divine_

 _Kingdoms of the unknown._

 _Let him understand the wisdom_

 _Of the mighty universe._

 _The chosen one must be found_

 _Assist him in his quest to her._

 _Break the barrier she casts down_

 _Bring the light back to the world._

 _As I desire, so mote it be!"_

Behind his eyelids Spike sees a flash of light. As Tara said, he feels like he's spinning and slightly nauseated. He keeps his eyes closed for a while, until he feels in control of himself. Taking a deep, he opens his eyes and finds himself standing in the cemetery. "That was a hell of a trip." Getting to his feet proved to be a more difficult action than it should be. Spike finally stands and looks around him more. "Alright, Slayer, where are you?" He inhales through his nose and smiles. "It's a good thing she leaves a trail." Spike stalks off into the night, his nose leading him closer and closer to her.

As he walks, he realizes that this cemetery is much bigger than it should be. He recognizes it as Restfeild Cemetery, but it just stretches on and on. When you get to where the end should be, it just starts all over again. It makes him slightly frustrated, but he can smell her scent getting stronger as he goes. Suddenly, Spike can see something different ahead. He lets his game face out and growls. The tower she jumped off of. "Bloody hell." He takes off running. It only takes a few seconds of running for him to see her.

She's wearing a ratty brown dress and her long hair is covered in dirt. She's leaning on a tombstone with an empty grave in front of it. Spike walks closer and can see that her hands are covered in blood. _Oh. That's what she was buried in. This must be how she looked when she clawed her way out. That's why her hair is long._ That sight alone, was almost enough to make him cry. When Spike saw her after she was brought back, Dawn had already cleaned her up.

"Buffy, love?" Spike quietly tries to get her attention. Buffy doesn't look at him, but she does keep looking up at the tower.

"What?" Her monotone voice comes out.

"What are you doing?" He keeps his eyes on her face, hoping that she'll look over at him. She doesn't.

"Waiting." She looks up at the tower again. Spike looks up too this time. Standing there on the edge of the platform is another Buffy. She's wearing the same exact clothes she wore to fight Glory. Spike walks around to see the other side of the tombstone.

 _Buffy Anne Summers_

 _1981-2001_

 _Beloved Sister_

 _Devoted Friend_

 _She saved the world a lot_

"Buffy, you ne-"

"Shhh. It's time." She cuts him off. Spike looks up in time to see her take a swan dive off the tower.

"No!" He yells and turns around. He watches Buffy's face as the other Buffy jumps. He can't see a single bit of emotion. He looks down at his hands and sees them trembling. He couldn't watch her do that again. He couldn't relive that moment. The helplessness that he felt, the grief, the sorrow. "It's not real." He whispers to himself. "It's okay. It's not real." He looks over when Buffy starts moving.

He manages to turn around and see Buffy laying in the grave. There's no coffin, just her laying in the dirt, dead. He repeats his mantra of 'It's not real' in his head. Suddenly a splash of dirt lands on her face. His eyes snap up to see Buffy holding a shovel, piling dirt upon herself. "Buffy stop!" He orders. She ignores him and keeps on shoveling. You can't see the face of the other Buffy anymore and he finally runs over to snatch the shovel out of her hand. "Buffy. You have to stop."

"Why? It's where I belong." She stares into the hole. "It's where I want to be."

Spike walks in front of her and grabs a hold of her shoulders. "It's not where you belong." He stares into her expressionless eyes and feels his heart break. "If anything, that's where I belong. I would switch places with you if I could, but I can't change it now." He feels a tear roll down his cheek. "Buffy, you have friends and a sister who need you. You have a duty and a hell mouth to protect."

Buffy locks eyes with him. "The Slayer is always alone."

Spike blinks and the scenery changes. He stands right outside Buffy's front door. "That was weird." Spike pushes the front door open and steps into the Summer's residence. He walks through the living room into the kitchen not seeing a sign of anyone. Going back into the living room, he looks around to see if anything is out of place. He's looking at the pictures on the mantel when he hears banging coming from upstairs. He makes his way up the steps and follows the noise to Buffy's bedroom door. He turns the knob and walks into her room.

She's standing close to the wall banging a nail into the wall with a hammer. Her hair is short again. She's wearing the same purple top and blue jeans she was wearing just three days ago when she ended things. _"It's over." "I'm using you." "It's killing me." "I have to be strong about this." "I'm sorry, William."_ Spike shakes his head to push the thoughts away. He can mope later. Right now he needs to help her. Buffy walks over to the wall, where a stack of picture frames are, and she picks one off the top. He watches as she hangs the frame on the nail she just put there.

In the frame, is a picture of a man that Spike does not recognize. He has short brown hair and blue eyes. The man has a small smile on his face and his hands are clasped in front of his expensive looking suit. Spike looks down and sees a small gold plate on the bottom of the frame that says 'Dad.' _So she does know her dad. I wonder what happened to him._ Spike is still looking at the picture when Buffy starts hammering another nail into the wall. She still has the stoic look on her face, never looking over at him. She repeats the process of grabbing a picture frame and Spike waits to see whats next.

The next picture is not what he's expecting. It's a picture of Angel. _Her dad and my grandsire. I'm not seeing the connection._ He studies the picture. Angel's face almost has no expression. He's not smiling or frowning. He just looks slightly serious. His hair is spiked up with his hair gel like usual, he wears a black button up shirt, and he has a couple rings on his fingers. Once again there's a gold plate, this one saying 'Angel/Angelus'.

By the time Spike looks away from that picture, Buffy has already hung another one. Oh great. Captain Cardboard. Seeing Riley's face again after his encounter with him three days ago is almost enough to make Spike rip the painting from the wall. Riley's got his blond hair in his boy band hairstyle. His blue eyes are noticeable but not too bright. He's wearing one of his green turtle neck sweaters and he has his noble, shy, sensitive smile on his face. _Okay, so, Buffy's dad, Angel, and Riley. I see the connection between Angel and Riley, but I don't see it with her dad._

Spike furrows his brow and moves on to the next picture. Joyce. Just seeing her face makes Spike want to tear up. In his entire existence he had never met anyone kinder than her. He misses her dearly. _She treated me like a man before any of them._ She has a genuine smile on in the picture, and as Spike looks at it, he has no choice but to smile too. She has her usual curled hair and a nice white button up shirt on. Her eyes are brown, which means Buffy must have gotten her eyes from her dad. _I'm sorry you had to go like that Joyce. I'm trying to take care of her, I promise._

Spike adds everything in his head again. _Angel and Riley go together and her mum and dad go together. But why are they all together instead of separated?_ Time for the next one. Spike steps over and sees the face of her watcher. Giles wears his normal tweed suit and glasses, and had a cup of tea in one hand. Spike has always gone back and forth about whether he likes Giles or not. Most of the time he doesn't because of how the man treats him. He's always looking down on Spike and treating him like a dog. The only time he ever likes the man is when he's helping Buffy and being tender with her. God knows the man means the world to her.

Spike looks over as Buffy picks up the last picture frame and hangs it on the wall. Spike tilts his head to the side and stares at his own face. _Why am I up there?_ Spike looks at all six pictures over and over again. _Her dad, Angel, Riley, Joyce, Giles, and me. What do we have in common?_ Buffy stands back and examines the pictures hanging there. Her arms are around herself, like she's cold, or giving herself a hug. Spike watches her eyes as they flick from picture to picture. "Buffy, what is this pet?" Spike finally asks.

Buffy's head drops to look at the floor. "All the people I pushed away. The ones that I made leave, that I lost." Spike stays silent and watches as a singular tear falls from her eye.

"Explain each one for me. Okay, pet?" Spike leads her to her bed and sits on it with her. "Let's start with your dad. What happened with him?"

"I got called to be the Slayer. It was really hard. I was only fifteen and I was suddenly facing all the things I didn't know existed." She takes a deep breath to try and keep her tears at bay. "I was fighting a group of vampires at the gym in my high school, and I accidentally set it on fire. My parents were so mad. I tried to tell them about the slaying and what happened at the school, but they thought I was crazy." She wipes a tear from her face. "They took me to a mental institution. I was there for three weeks and by the time I was out, they were divorced and he walked out on Dawn and I."

"None of that is your fault. You took the time to try to be honest with them and they didn't let you. That's their fault." He caught her eye. "And people don't get divorces because of their kids. They get them when there's a problem with their own relationship." Spike puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Lets go to the next one."

"Angel." Buffy sighs.

"Right." Spike nods. Buffy doesn't immediately start talking, choosing instead to stare at the floor. Spike doesn't push her, just sits and waits. When his eyes go to the window, he jumps off the bed. "Bloody hell." He breathes out. Shining bright through the window, is the sun. He looks into the light and smiles. "It looks so real."

"I guess fake sun can't make you dusty." Buffy leans against the window next to him. "I've always wanted to be able to show you the sun." As Buffy's head lands on his shoulder, he starts running his fingers through her hair. "I know it's not real, but I hope its enough." Spike relishes in the moment she is allowing to happen between them.

"I see the sunshine every time I look at you, love." Spike retorts.

Buffy lets out a small laugh. "You are of the cheesy." A comfortable silence comes over them as they look at the sun. "I wish we could just stay here." Buffy comments quietly.

"You know we cant." Spike reminds her. Hell, a part of him would love to stay in this nice warm bubble too. It's been a long time since he's been able to have a calm moment with Buffy. Standing with Buffy in the sunlight is something he's dreamed of for a long time, but it's simply not meant to be. "We have work to do. Tell me about Angel."

"I was too clingy." Buffy starts. "I took his soul, gave it back, and sent him to hell. Then as soon as he gets back, I decided to stop by every night. Then I wanted to try our relationship again and he ended it. After graduation he left without saying goodbye. About every time we have seen each other since we've argued." Buffy frowns. "I don't want to be with him now, but there's still that part of me that loves him. I still hurts sometimes."

"It's going to, pet." Spike turns to face her. "Angel didn't leave because of you. He left for you. He knew that he could never be what you needed. I don't get along with the guy but I do know how much he loves you. He wants the best for you."

"Stop being right." Buffy mumbles quietly. Spike chuckles and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Next one?" Spike asks.

"Riley." She tilts her head to the side. "I actually don't think I need to explain that one. It was his fault, I think I'm just bitter about how quickly I was replaced."

"Right you are." Spike smiles. Man he hated the tin solider.

"Do we have to do the next one?" Buffy's eyes tear up and she turns her face to the side.

"Just tell me this." Spike gently grabs her chin and turns her face back towards him. "What makes you think that what happened to your mom was your fault?" He wipes a tear off her face with the pad of his thumb.

"I wasn't there." She chokes out. "I was with Xander. If I had just gone home to check on her, she might still be here." She lets out a sob. "I thought she was better." Spikes heart breaks as she collapses against his chest sobbing. Spike scoops her up in his arms and carries her to her bed.

"It's okay, love." Spike whispers and presses a kiss to her head. "You have to get this out."

"I miss her so much." Buffy whispers as she starts to calm.

"I know." Spike sighs. "Do I need to explain this one to you, pet?"

Buffy shakes her head. "No. I have trouble with it, because there is no one to blame. So I blame myself. It's easier that way." Buffy shrugs.

"Alright. As long as you know that." Spike smiles down at her, loving the way she was still allowing him to hold her and knowing that they were getting somewhere. "I won't ask you to explain the watcher. I'm right mad at him myself." Spike points out.

"Yeah. I do understand that he thinks he's doing the right thing. Even if he's wrong." Buffy admits.

"Okay. So that leaves one more." Spike pushes her upright so he can look at her face.

"You." Her eyes lower and she sighs.

"Me." Spike caresses her face. "As far as I can tell, I'm still here."

"You shouldn't be." She whispers. Spike feels a pang of hurt at her words but ignores it for now. "The things I've said to you." She winces. "How I acted when Riley was here. I don't know how you can look at me." Her head hangs low and Spike can feel the guilt and sorrow she had buried deep.

"You're a pretty thing to look at." Spike smirks then smiles as she lets out a small laugh.

"I'm not kidding." Buffy stands up from the bed and steps in front of him. "There is no excuse for the what I've done to you. I'm not going to try to defend myself." She looks deeply into his eyes. "What I am going to do, is tell you how deeply sorry I am." She rests her hand on his cheek. "I also need to tell you something." Her hand moves to the nape of his neck and lightly scratches. "I'm not saying this for any other reason, other than the fact that it's true." She smiles at him, so warmly that Spike feels he might dust right there. "I love you."

His eyes widen and he gapes at her for a few seconds. "You what?" He asks just in case he misheard.

"I love you, my silly vampire." She giggles. "I tried to fight it, so I yelled all the nasty things I felt about myself, at you. But I can't fight anymore." She whispers. "You've been here all this time helping me, never asking anything of me. You somehow got through the block I put up against people coming to fetch me this time." She places a kiss on his cheek. "I love you."

Buffy lets out a surprised squeal when Spike suddenly jump up, wraps his arms around her, and kisses her hard on the mouth. Her squeal turns into a moan as his soft lips land on hers. Spike kisses her so deeply it takes her breath away. When she pulls back to breathe, Spike starts planting kisses all over her face.

"I-" Kiss. "love-" Kiss. "you-" Kiss. "so-" Kiss. "much." He pulls back smiling as wide as she's ever seen.

"I love you too, my vampire." She smiles back. Spike grabs her hand and interlaces their fingers. "We should get back now." She presses a kiss to his hand. They both close their eyes and wait.

"He's back!" Dawn exclaims. Spike opens his eyes and looks right at Buffy as the life returns to her eyes.

"Buffy! You're okay!" Willow jumps up and hugs her best friend.

"Yeah, I am." She smiles thankfully at the witch.

"You worried us there, Buff." Xander squeezes in for his own hug. "Glad you're back." He grins. Buffy smiles back and pulls away from her friends, walking over to the blonde vampire still sitting on the floor. She holds her hand out and hoists Spike up when he grabs it.

"Guys." Buffy gets everyone's attention. "I have something to tell you guys." She smiles up at Spike. "Spike and I are together." She rests her head on his chest. "I love him and I hope you all can accept it." She looks back at her friends who are all smiling at the new couple.

"We know." Willow comments, grinning like a mad woman.

"You know?" Buffy scrunches her face in confusion.

"We all do." Xander shrugs. "And we're all okay with it."

"We all just want you to be happy again, Buffy." Tara rests her hand on Buffy's arm.

"Which you will be if you are getting orgasms!" Anya announces smiling. Everyone silently looks at Anya.

"Out of the mouth of babes." Xander laughs wrapping his arm around Anya. Dawn walks up to Spike and Buffy and glares at her sister with her arms crossed.

"You better not try anything like that again." She warns Buffy giving her sisters shoulder a light shove. Buffy nods and Dawn's face breaks into a grin. "I love you. Congratulations." Dawn wraps both of them in a hug.

The group hang out for the rest of the night at the Magic Box. Spike and Buffy stay cuddled up together, Xander and Anya hold hands on top of the table, and Willow and Tara even start to talk to each other more. Spike looks at his girl, his niblet, and his newfound friends, with complete happiness. _It's a good thing I don't have a curse._

* * *

 _ **Sorry the ending is a little rushed. I've spent hours on this and I have to work in the morning. Let me know if you enjoyed it!**_


End file.
